Break into your new shoes
by Sometsuki
Summary: The aftermath of Maki's first kill.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Danganronpa V3. Warning for spoilers**

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The first thing that hit her was the smell. It was disgusting, putrid. She never knew blood had such a strong smell, only that it tasted nasty from the first time she lost her baby teeth. She didn't know the color was so dark either, or that it would still stain her hands even as she tried to wipe it away with spit.

It took all her willpower not to scream, because that would give her away and _she could not fail_. Not after what happened with the katana incident. But she couldn't stop herself from shaking or from vomiting up her dinner from the night before or from her legs giving out and having to kneel on the ground, and _god_, she thought she was over this by now! This all would be so much easier if she didn't have a breakdown every night, if she wasn't such a stupid crybaby. She wished for anything, anything at all to make this easier. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to be scared, she just wanted to feel nothing.

The image of his empty eyes stayed with her long after she left the scene.

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Maki still felt shaken up when the cult let her visit the orphanage. She was supposedly chosen for her potential and currently being "tutored" so she could be ready to go to a prestigious school, was the story given to the children on why Maki wasn't around anymore. Occasionally, they let her go back every once in a while to encourage her morale and remind her of why she was even doing this. Maki barely enjoyed the visits. It was a relief to see everyone was fine, but by the end she just felt sick to her stomach. So much had changed that she couldn't find any solace in a reminder of her old life. Has it really been so long that she could call it old?

Little Yumi ran right up to her like she always did, excited to see her favorite older sister. She used both hands to take hold of Maki's, and giggled sweetly.

_These are a murderer's hands._ The thought came, unbidden. _She shouldn't be touching them._

Maki pulled away, gently. Usually she's not shy about letting it be known that she doesn't want the children clinging to her. It's been hours and she's still having trouble trying to hold back the tears in front the kids.

She hesitated, hand hovering above the little girl, (Maki used to be a little girl too, now she's a big kid) before patting her head.

A little boy let out a shriek of delight and squeezed Maki into a hug from behind. The girl flinched, not expecting the contact. She twisted around in his arms and pushed him away, glaring down at him, but not putting any real heat in her gaze. Hideki just stared up at her mischievously.

Chiyo glanced at her, concerned. Her best friend was always a bit too perceptive for her own good.

Hideki's audacity apparently elicited something in the rest of the kids, because suddenly they rushed at her to give their own hugs.

Maki's breathing quickened. It was far too loud. Their laughter was ringing in her head and she was surrounded. Usually she reacted to the children jumping her with exasperated fondness, but this time she felt oddly claustrophobic. She had the urge to get away, to stop everyone from looking at her. This was getting to be too much. She excused herself to the bathroom and slammed the door hard.

She didn't let herself look in the mirror, she didn't think she could ever look herself in the mirror again. Maki dropped to the ground, bringing her knees up to her chest and folding her arms over them. Her eyes burned and she shut them tight.

There was a knock on the door. "Maki-chan? Are you okay?"

"Chiyo," She croaked out. "I just want to be alone, go away."

She could feel the other girl hesitate. "I don't want—"

"Go away!" She spat out. Maki never sounded so harsh when talking to Chiyo before. It was just another way she changed. She _killed_ someone. She couldn't ever take that back. How could she make up for it? It wasn't going to be the last time either. This was the life she was going to live, one of murder and vice, and she didn't want to do this anymore. Immediately, she felt guilty. If she didn't become a assassin, they were going to make Chiyo one. How could she call herself her friend if she regretted this? She couldn't stop herself from feeling ever so slightly resentful, even though it wasn't Chiyo's fault, and she hated herself all the more for it.

Maki was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice if Chiyo left or not. She didn't hear any footsteps walking away from the door, but she also didn't hear her voice again.

The pigtailed girl forced herself to stand up on shaky legs. Her grip was tight on the countertop as she looked at her bright red eyes. They didn't look so intimidating anymore when they were shiny with unshed tears.

_You chose this_. She told the girl in the mirror. And then. _I chose this, so I'm not allowed to regret it._

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**Honestly I didn't really like how in Trial 5, Maki trying to get everyone killed was just glossed over but despite that I actually like her a lot. This little idea came to mind after thinking about her backstory more. Someone could probably write this concept better than I can (and might already have) but that's not an excuse for not trying if I really wanted to.**


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